Fistful of Boomstick: Supernatural Meets Evil Dead
by Lassroyale
Summary: When the Winchesters go to investigate a seal being threatened in Grand Rapids, MI they meet up with the infamous Ash Williams. Ash knows a thing or two about the deadites…and seems to have his eye on a certain Angel, much to Dean’s displeasure.
1. Pretty Lips and All

**Title:** Fistful of Boomstick: Supernatural Meets the Evil Dead  
**Author:** Lassroyale  
**Rating:** R  
**Warnings:** Some violence, definitely some sex, boomsticks, CRACK!fic, Cas!sexual Ash & Sam, Crossover  
**Spoilers:** All of Season 4 to be safe  
**Pairings:** Dean/Castiel, Ash/Castiel(?) Sam/Castiel (?) EveryonexCastiel (heh)

**Summary:** When the Winchesters go to investigate a seal being threatened in Grand Rapids, MI they meet up with the infamous Ash Williams. Ash knows a thing or two about the deadites…and seems to have his eye on a certain Angel, much to Dean's displeasure. Meanwhile, Sam is questioning something he saw late one night and how it's making him feel.

**A/N** This is an idea that was born from the latest Quick Fire Challenge 4-word propmpt: Ceased, Crackpot, Predesting, Spokesman. I've decided to run with it and play around with it. Updates may be slow for this verse as I want to concentrate on my other story as well.

The title: Fistful of Boomstick is taken from a 2006 Evil Dead videogame. Onwards!

**Chapter 1:**_** Pretty Lips and All**_

The day had started out normally enough, which should have struck the Winchesters as unusual right away. Sam had been sitting by the window reading up on some local news on the computer, studiously ignoring the small, inappropriate grunts of pleasure emitting from his brother as Dean tucked into a whole – yes a **whole **– cherry pie.

"Dean, do you think you could, I don't know, do that quietly? It's reminding me of that time I walked in on you and Castiel and dude…not an image I want to have right now," complained Sam after a particularly lewd groan. His brother only gave his trademark "devil never cares" grin and took another huge bite of pie, sure to punctuate the action with a drawn-out moan of bliss.

"You gotta appreciate the small things in life, Sammy and cherry pie ranks right up there with that thing Cas does with his wings while bent over all –"

"STOP! NOT an image I want!" exclaimed Sam with a glare. His mind however, _did_ automatically travel back to that fateful night. He averted his eyes quickly and tried to concentrate on the words computer screen, but all he could think about right then was _feathers_. Lots and lots of soft, tickling, _feathers_.

"I don't know when you ceased being cool, Sammy, but I know you're not that much of a prude. I've seen ya check out Cas…jus' sayin' I'm all right with it. Look but don't touch, yannow?" Dean paused long enough in his pie eating to give Sam a pointed look, before shoveling another bite into his mouth.

Before Sam could answer, there was a displacement of air and the two brothers were not alone in the room anymore. Both turned automatically to look at Castiel who stood next to Dean, and was staring intently at a red smear on the corner of the Hunter's mouth. Without warning, the Angel bent forward and licked the cherry filling from Dean's lower lip with slow, long drag of his of his tongue. Sam blushed and made a muted noise of protest, while Dean's eyes glazed over, becoming heavy with lust. Castiel straightened and stood still for a moment,with a slight furrow creasing his smooth brow, apparently deep in thought.

"That is not my favorite flavor, Dean. I prefer apple." He tilted his head and regarded Sam's blush, blinking those too-blue eyes once before addressing both Winchesters.

"There is a seal in Grand Rapids, Michigan that is being threatened. From what we can gather, there has been an increase in Demonic activity there. An unusual breed of Demon has been attacking the town, at random. It seems they like possessing dead bodies.

The lust cleared from Dean's eyes at the mention of a seal..

"You are to meet up with somebody who lives there who has fought these types of Demons many times before. Some think he is…'a crackpot', but he has extensive knowledge on how to fight these creatures. You might say he is an expert."

"What's his name?" asked Sam dubiously.

"Ash Williams," replied Castiel, before turning and disappearing.

**~~~~~ ** ~~~~~**

"Yo she-bitch, let's go!"

It turned out that it wasn't hard to locate Ash Williams once the Winchesters arrived in Grand Rapids. In fact, Dean almost hit him with the Impala as a man with a large chin and a sawed off shotgun ran across the street and blew the head off of a rotting corpse that was running straight for him.

"Does that guy have a fuckin' _chainsaw_ for a hand?!" exclaimed Dean. He grinned, "This dude is **awesome**!"

Ash turned and glared at the front end of the Impala and marched angrily up to the driver's side window. He tapped on the glass with the butt of his shotgun.

"Yo knucklehead, if you're done being the spokesman for bad driving get'off the road. You're in my way."

It was Sam's turn to grin as Dean sputtered indignantly, cutting in before his brother could formulate a reply.

"Are you Ash Williams?" he asked, politely of course. It was usually a bad idea to be rude to a man with a chainsaw for a hand.

"Who's askin?" replied the dark-haired man. He peered closer at the two and recognition flashed through his brown eyes. "Oh, you're the two eggheads that pretty boy was talkin' about earlier. Preachin' predestining or something that we would meet, blah blah blah." He snorted, holstered his shotgun, and yanked open the passenger side door. "Well groovy, let's go. We've got some deadites to give make-overs to."

"You mean Castiel?" asked Dean with an edge to his voice as Ash climbed into the backseat of the car.

"The blue-eyed 'angel' with the sex hair? Yeah, him. He could kiss my boomstick any day if you two boneheads catch my drift. Not that I swing that way, comprende? Just somethin' about those eyes…"

Dean's knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he peeled off down the road, heading towards the local bar where Ash said they could get some more information about the current "uglies" infestation. Sam leaned towards him and whispered sotto voce,

"You don't think he's that awesome anymore, do you?" He snickered at the glare his brother gave him.

"Screw you Sammy. I'm just sayin' if I find out he tried to touch Cas I'm gonna shove _my_ boomstick so far up his ass…"

"I doubt Cas would like that," laughed Sam.

"If you two ladies are done up there, let's go. Don't wanna keep pretty lips waiting."

"I'm gonna kill him," grumbled Dean.

(TBC)


	2. Did it Hurtwhen you fell from Heaven?

**Title:** Fistful of Boomstick: Supernatural Meets the Evil Dead  
**Author:** Lassroyale  
**Rating:** R  
**Warnings:** Some violence, definitely some sex, boomsticks, CRACK!fic, Cas!sexual Ash & Sam, Crossover  
**Spoilers:** All of Season 4 to be safe  
**Pairings:** Dean/Castiel, Ash/Castiel(?) Sam/Castiel (?) EveryonexCastiel (heh)

**Summary:** When the Winchesters go to investigate a seal being threatened in Grand Rapids, MI they meet up with the infamous Ash Williams. Ash knows a thing or two about the deadites…and seems to have his eye on a certain Angel, much to Dean's displeasure. Meanwhile, Sam is questioning something he saw late one night and how it's making him feel.

**A/N**: Please read and review if you enjoyed this! Like I said, updates will be slow but I will continue this story for my own amusement, regardless. ;)

The title: Fistful of Boomstick is taken from a 2006 Evil Dead videogame. Onwards!

**Chapter 2: **_**Did it hurt...when you fell from Heaven?**_

It turned out that the bar Ash had wanted to go to did not have a lot by the way of useful information. What it _did_ have in spades, were strong pours, shady characters, and women who weren't so hard as much as quietly desperate. Ash was also apparently a regular, for the bar's occupants didn't blink twice at the chainsaw hand or the shotgun strapped in plain view across his broad back. In fact, within minutes of arriving, the bartender had pushed a bottle of tequila their way and their friend began in earnest to "woo" one of the better-looking women slouching near the pool tables with her friends.

Dean should have been annoyed by this fact – they had a job to do and a seal to protect, after all – but as 6 tequila shots warmed his system and set his head thrumming with a pleasant buzz, it turned out he wasn't. In fact, why _should_ he be mad about anything? Ash was a great guy! (_This he exclaimed at random to Sam numerous times as the younger Winchester made a valiant attempt to gather information from the increasingly drunk patrons._) He and Ash had a lot in common: they both liked guns, booze, killing things, and women. Ash seemed to be especially zealous about women in particular, something, which further endeared himself to Dean.

His thoughts and hardly quiet musings were interrupted by the unmistakable sound of a hand-slap resonating through the room. The bar erupted into uproarious laughter as a red-faced brunette stormed past the bar, emitting angry little huffs with each stiletto step. The woman fumbled with the door for a moment before kicking it open with a furious shriek, and disappeared into the fading light of the day.

Ash ambled up a moment later rubbing his cheek and not looking the least bit put-out, despite the obvious red hand print he bore. He snagged a shot at random off the bar and knocked it back, shrugging his shoulders at Dean and Sam.

"You see a hot little brunette runnin' home to her mama, pass this way?" he asked, his brown eyes bearing an almost feverish gleam.

Dean leaned towards his brother and whispered in a poor example of a whispering voice,

"There's somethin' _off_ about this guy, Sammy."

He slanted his dark green eyes conspiratorially towards the man with the chainsaw hand and smirked slightly. How could he have ever been jealous of **that** guy?

"Gee, you think Dean?" replied Sam with a vaguely exasperated expression, "He's got a _chainsaw_ for a hand. If that doesn't spell mental issues I don't know what does." He leaned in towards his brother, his large frame blocking the other's view of Ash as the man swaggered towards someone who caught his interest near the end of the bar. Sam began to speak in earnest, his voice low and his gaze intense.

"Look I don't know why Cas wanted us to work with this guy but he's obviously a hack. I mean, chainsaw hand aside he's not a Hunter – he's slowing us down."

Dean shifted in his seat and looked away for a moment, before giving his younger brother a long, appraising stare

"Everyone seems to be slowing you down these days, don't they?" Sam looked like he was going to argue but Dean interrupted him. "Look, it doesn't matter. Aside from shits and giggles that dude is worthless, sure. But Cas wouldn't tell us to work with him if he didn't know something that can help us with this Seal."

He could see that Sam was preparing a tirade by the dark look that rippled across his features. His brother inhaled a deep breath – yep, dialing up the bitch meter to 10 – and started to speak.

"You know Dean, I'm getting real sick of you just going along with whatever the _Angels_ have to say. What happened to questioning things? Is it because you're sleeping with the guy that I'm suddenly supposed to trust everything he says without question? You won't even give Ruby a chance, and she's been more helpful than –"

"That's different Sam and you know it!" snapped Dean. "That bitch is –"

"Well hello Mr. Blue-Eyes!" boomed Ash's voice from nearby, interrupting the conversations of those in his immediate vicinity. Both of the Winchesters scowled at the disruption, but remained locked in their heated exchange.

That is until Dean realized whom Ash was speaking to.

**~~~~~ ** ~~~~~**

"So did it hurt?" asked Ash to the man standing near him wearing a beige trench coat and looking both distant and painfully aware of everything around him, all in the same breath. The man turned and regarded him with a small tilt of his head, vivid blue eyes boring straight into the very depths of his being. It reminded Ash of a puppy or something – a freaky celestial puppy with eyes too pretty for its own good.

"I do not understand to what you are referencing," replied Castiel after a moment.

Though low, the Angel's voice was as clear as if he were speaking directly into his ear. It also made certain parts of him jump and stir with interest, and so Ash did the natural thing and turned up the "charm". He leaned in closely, crowding the Angel unapologetic ally as he trapped the other against the bar. He was encouraged by Castiel's stillness as the Angel regarded him with abstract curiosity and shamelessly inhaled a whiff of his dark, messy hair.

"You smell like Linda," he gruffly, before giving Castiel a roguish grin. "The question is: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"

Castiel only gave him a long, thoughtful look before replying in that quiet, powerful voice,

"We only fall if we lose our Grace."

For reasons he couldn't fathom, Ash found himself leaning towards the Angel, shifting so close they were nearly touching…

"If you're done being a douche," came an furious growl from behind him, "then you can quit the bad pick-up lines and step back. I wanna talk to Cas."

Blinking, Ash realized how close he had come to actually _kissing_ a _man_ in the middle of a crowded bar. He stepped back quickly, though scowled at Dean who looked like he was grappling with the question of whether or hit him in the face or kick him in the balls.

"Don't get your panties all in a twist, missy. I was just **talkin'** to Hot Lips here when you so rudely interrupted. Damn primitive," he grumbled, "could have a bit more class."

He ordered himself a shot of whiskey and dropped to a stool next to the taller Winchester, who was looking at his brother with a mixture of annoyance, intrigue…jealousy.

"Well ain't that somethin'!" exclaimed Ash with a bark of laughter. Sam turned to him, clearly startled. "You better watch out Big Bird, or your eyes will turn as green as your brother's."

Sam looked perplexed for a moment before realization dawned on him.

"What, you think I'm _jealous_? Of _that_?" he gestured with a wave of his big hand towards Dean and Castiel, who were gazing at one another like nothing else in the whole goddamned world existed. "It's unnerving that's what it is," he added a touch defensively.

"Sure whatever," said Ash. He raised his voice and wagged his brows at Castiel and Dean. "Why don't you two make like trees and blow?"

"Huh?" asked Sam.

"What, I'm under pressure here."

"Do you and your big chin ever shut up?" retorted Dean, bristling immediately. Castiel placed a hand on his arm and stepped forward to address all three men.

"We have figured out what is threatening this Seal," said he, turning his azure gaze to each of them in turn, lingering for a moment upon the elder Hunter before shifting to regard nothing in particular. "It is an old Kandarian book called –"

"Lemme guess, the Necronomican," interrupted Ash. The Angel nodded, unperturbed by the disruption.

"Yes, I believe you have encountered this book before."

"And before, and before, and before."

"." ground out Dean.

"Some of pages of the Necronomicon have been torn out and stolen by one of Lilith's associates. They are using the inscription written on those pages to break the Seal in this area. The presence of the Demons who are possessing the dead bodies in this town is an indication that the Seal is weakening. We need you to recover the Necronomican that has been hidden by the Demons."

"Why's that, Hot Lips?" asked Ash.

"Don't call him that!" spat Dean..

"Blow me."

"Cas, where can we find this book?" interjected Sam before things could escalate. He was beginning to develop a headache already. A small line formed between Castiel's blue eyes as he chose his words.

"I…am unsure. It's exact location is clouded to my brothers and I. We can feel that it is nearby but cannot pinpoint exactly where. I suggest going to where these 'deadites' are congregating and starting there."

Ash stood up with a grumble.

"Always chasin' after this damn book. Find this page, find that page, get through here, go through there. Oh yeah, don't mind the deadites. The reward at the end better be good, Angel Eyes, I tell ya that much."

Castiel tilted his head slightly and looked at Ash.

"What do you require as a 'reward'?" he queried.

"Ever see the movie, "Deep Throat?"

"DUDE!" exclaimed Dean, his green eyes blazing.

"What?" replied Ash with a play at innocence, "It gets lonely saving the world again…and again….and again."

"Are you sure we have to work with this guy?" asked the Hunter of the Angel. Castiel merely nodded but moved forward to press his lips to Dean's. The man relaxed immediately, gripping a fistful of that ugly trenchcoat as he deepened the kiss.

"Ashley J. Williams is quite knowledgeable when it comes to the deadites and the Necronomicon. You should try to get along," he murmured quietly for Dean's ears alone, before disappearing.

"Groovy, let's go." Said Ash with an odd expression, before striding out the door.

"So we're stuck with him, huh?" asked Sam a little glumly, his gaze trailing after the departing man.

"Yeah, looks like it," replied Dean with the same tone.

"Hurry up, Boneheads, I'm drivin'!" hollered Ash from the door.

"I'm gonna – "

"Yeah I know, you're gonna kill him," said Sam, rubbing his temple as his headache grew wings and took flight.

It was going to be a long night.

(TBC)


End file.
